Welcome To Chain's Diary.

Alien from a planet called Woking!

Disclaimer :-

This Diary is total fiction. Anything that has/will happen is purely coincidence. Any pictures used were rendered by hand on paper scanned in using a 10dpi Hand scanner and cleaned up with a quick drink or two in the local pub.


Friday 20th March.
Made contact with an alien life form on the "Internet", via a strange system of "message's". Arranged to meet this entity (Green squid thing) at a later time in the town center. Funny how they come from millions of miles away and find you every time but can never remember the way to your house, or is this a simple ploy to catch you unawares?

8.03pm Still no contact, you'd think that they'd find the way seeing as how they're so advanced.

8.07pm First contact, if you exclude the "message's". Arranged to meet the said alien up Town, obviously so it could attract as little attention as possible. No problem there the only thing that attracts attention round here, is when a bush is uprooted and planted up someone's rectum.

8.27pm After arriving up Town and looking for the Alien I realised that I had no way of knowing what it would look like. So after investigating a number of likely suspects I approached a car with something strange sitting in the driving seat. After giving direction's we finally arrived back at my house.

8.47pm I introduced the Alien to Tracey who took it quite well mentioning that I should take a visit to a local holy place.

8.58pm Arriving at the holy place we take refreshment in the form of 'beer'. The Alien comments that he hasn't had a good 'beer' in quite sometime, it shows.

11.39pm Where did the rest of the evening go? Did my Alien chum use some intensive mind beam on me and conduct experiments on my brain, it sure feels that way. I find standing in one place too long makes the room spin.

11.42pm After taking a trip to the mens room I notice that the Alien is wobbling, is this a form of communication?

11.58pm Picked up and brought home, at last. The Alien ask's if it's okay to stop over the night, by the looks of him he may need to stop altogether! I agree and attempt to make the spare room up, but I'm no good at stories so I just give him the quilt and a pillow.

12.05am Decide to hit the pillow, when I can stop it floating out the window.



Saturday 21th March.
10.00am Drag myslef from my slumber.

10.25am Remember Alien staying in spare room, drink more coffee, remember strange lights in the night, drink even more coffee, forget strange lights in night start to think about great white telephone.

10.35am Been on the great white phone to God... The toilets now gleaming, and I can eat some food....

10.36am Better not try any more food, the bathroom is starting to stuffer from my intense vomitting. Note that the mold in the corner of the ceiling was starting to peal, along with the carpet and wallpaper.

10.42am I've now completely recovered from my Previous night's drinking, and feel that a couple of bacon sarnies are in order....

10.44am Decide that I should not THINK ABOUT FOOD...

10.45am To take my mind off the 'F' word I've decided to show everyone the proof that I needed, a real picture of the alien, so equiped with my camera I took my life into my hands and setup secret survalance in the loft space, when I was approached by the Alien!

Notice the green sweater (what more proof do you need?)
10.47am Struggled with the green sweater for over 10 mins before finally being overcome with nausa...

11.30am Say good bye to the Alien life form. He promises to visit again, I agree (Stupid mistake), and kick him out the door before running upstairs trying the fetal position over the Toilet again.